


When There Is No Air or Light, Until You Break The Surface

by Bluerain1984



Series: Strangers in a Strange Land [15]
Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Angst, Arguments, Confessions of love, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, Falling Outs, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, Past Infidelity, Past Relationship(s), Secrets, and other things, there are tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 20:05:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12043281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluerain1984/pseuds/Bluerain1984
Summary: 'Robert likely didn’t know Damien had knowledge of the affair at all, so, he had no reason to divulge it readily. Damien also reflected on Robert’s past troubles in divulging personal information. The older man likely just did not want to think about the unpleasant matter, himself, and so tried to avoid it… Damien could understand that to a point.Damien sighed and rubbed at his chin and neck. Along with these thoughts came more intrusive, more terrible and cringing thoughts he most certainly did not want in his head:Robert and Joseph close together, breathing in one another’s air. Rosy skin set against tan flesh as hands link, as lips lock together. Two male bodies, perfectly as they should have been, from conception to birth to adulthood, together and…Damien grabbed at his head, fingers going into his raven hair.'





	When There Is No Air or Light, Until You Break The Surface

**Author's Note:**

> Things are coming to a head for our boys. See you below.

Damien’s leg bounced slightly as he sat upon his sofa, waiting. He had released his hair from its tail, but he had yet to change into his favored attire. He had found his spare glasses, however. Having fully clear vision was a small improvement on his mindset. He didn’t want to dwell too much on what he had learned earlier, but it kept going through his mind at different intervals.

Robert had an affair with Joseph. The men had betrayed Mary’s trust and broken her heart. Yet she had forgiven one and seemed to be continually blaming and berating the other.

Granted, Damien was still angry at Joseph, too, on her behest but... The youth pastor had made a very important point.

Why did she still punish only him?

Furthermore, he knew why Robert had not mentioned it. Robert likely didn’t know Damien had knowledge of the affair at all, so, he had no reason to divulge it readily. Damien also reflected on Robert’s past troubles in divulging personal information. The older man likely just did not want to think about the unpleasant matter, himself, and so tried to avoid it… Damien could understand that to a point.

Damien sighed and rubbed at his chin and neck. Along with these thoughts came more intrusive, more terrible and cringing thoughts he most certainly did not want in his head:

_Robert and Joseph close together, breathing in one another’s air. Rosy skin set against tan flesh as hands link, as lips lock together. Two male bodies, perfectly as they should have been, from conception to birth to adulthood, together and…_

Damien grabbed at his head, fingers going into his raven hair.

_Had Robert submitted before Joseph? Had he knelt at his feet and called him ‘Boss’ or ‘Sir’ or other things? Had Joseph hit him, or bitten him, or made marks on Robert to make the older man beg for more?_

Damien sprang up to his feet and left his sofa, getting his phone out to check the time. He crossed to the windows that looked out into the street. Two swaying figures were making their way onto his porch. He sighed.

They were too drunk for this conversation. And he was still too upset. Damien went to the door.

“Hey, Baby!” Robert called out. Mary was leaning on Robert’s side. Robert pulled away from the woman to go inside to Damien and pull him into an embrace. Damien allowed the contact for a moment before stepping slightly to Robert’s left.

“I think that now isn’t the time, after all,” Damien said. “You’re both far too inebriated.”

“For what?” Mary asked, still standing in his doorway. “You texted in the middle of the day, when you’re either s’posed to be at work or eatin’ with my dipshit hubby. Somethin’ happened. What’d he do?” She pointed her finger at Damien, clearly wanting him to explain.

Damien shook his head at her. “He didn’t really do anything, but I want to talk to you two when you aren’t about to fall over.”

Robert huffed and threw his arm around Damien’s waist. “I’ve been worse an’ talked philosophy,” Robert said. The scent of whiskey was thick from his breath. Damien again stepped out of Robert’s grasp.

“You should both go home,” Damien told them. “We will discuss it when all parties are…composed.”

“…The fuck’d he do?” Robert’s voice was a low growl. Damien looked at him. Oh dear.

“I just told you; he did nothing.”

“You don’t want me touchin’ you,” Robert said. “You want us to leave. What’d that fucker do?”

“We can ask him ourselves,” Mary snarled, her voice slightly covered by the sound of a car pulling up. Joseph parked his sedan near Damien’s car and jumped from the driver’s seat. He had a look of desperation and shame on his face, which turned into fear at seeing Mary on the porch. His skin paled at the sight of Robert leaving the house, too. Damien reached for Robert’s hand, but Robert shook it away and sprinted, quite fast for a drunk man, down the porch stairs to grab Joseph before the blond man could run.

“Robert! Stop!” Damien shouted as he ran out.

“What the fuck did you do to my man?!” demanded Robert as he caught hold of Joseph’s collar and half-dragged, half-threw him onto the car’s hood, the youth pastor’s body making a loud ‘thwump’ on landing. Joseph clearly had the wind knocked from him, as he didn’t say anything immediately, but still looked to be in shock.

Damien grabbed at Robert’s arms again. “Robert, stop it! He didn’t do anything! Mary! Stop him!”

“Why? He ain’t hit him yet,” Mary said, making her way down the steps.

“Talk, Motherfucker,” Robert ordered Joseph. Joseph seemed to get his bearings and had his hands back, not attempting to fight back.

“I didn’t—I didn’t mean to!”

Damien internally winced. He was making this worse!

Robert’s grip tightened and he shook Joseph. “What’d you do!?”

Damien had enough. He grabbed Robert’s waist with one hand, and took hold of an arm and started pulling him off Joseph. “He told me the truth! He told me everything!”

Robert turned his head to look at Damien. “Truth ‘bout what?”

“About—About the affair,” Damien said, lowering his voice. He looked back. Not far at all, young eyes were peering fretfully out of the Cahn household’s windows, and Damien saw his own son trying to herd the multitude of children he clearly had been placed in charge of away from the spectacle. Damien’s attention returned to the men and woman with him. “We’re taking this inside, where no one will be frightened, and people will not be inclined to call the police.” With that, he released Robert, who looked… Well, he looked confused and perhaps a little... frightened. Damien had never seen that expression on him before. Mary just looked sickened.

They entered Damien’s house, and once the door was shut, he had the three other adults sitting within his living room. He made sure to keep Robert and Joseph far from one another, directing the former to a chair and the latter to the sofa. Mary kept her distance from all the men by leaning against a hutch. With everyone quiet, Damien explained what happened at The Captain’s Quarters.

Robert sniffed. “You had to open your fuckin’ mouth.”

“I didn’t mean to!” Joseph cried. “Do you think I want to admit it? Do you think I want anyone to know about it? I’m ashamed of what I did! I want to put that behind me!” Robert turned his head sharply, as if he had been slapped.

“Bull,” Mary said, her tone steeped in spite. “You’ve been wantin’ to split them up since you found out, and I knew, I just knew, you were gonna fuck it all up!”

“Stop,” Damien said, not shouting, but loud and firm.

They all paused.

He adjusted his glasses. Took a breath. “I understand why Joseph confessed to me as he had. He clearly bears guilt he placed upon himself, as well as the guilt you, dear Mary, still give him.”

“He should,” she snipped.

“To what end?” Damien asked her. “He posed a very good question: Why did you forgive Robert when you could not forgive your husband?” She said nothing, so Damien continued, “And I am now…conflicted, and upset with you, too. You didn’t tell me the identity of Joseph’s lover, not when it happened, and not after I began dating him… Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t tell you it was Robert back then because you’d have bitched at me about hangin’ around him,” she admitted. “Dames, I love you more than my own damn brother or parents, and I’d kill a man for you—”

“I would rather you did not.”

“—But,” she went on, “You hold grudges. Better ones than me. You would have kept on me about droppin’ a ‘bad influence’.”

Damien cast his eyes down briefly, “Fair enough.” He turned his gaze up and over to Robert… Robert wasn’t looking at anyone, least of all Damien, right now.

“And I didn’t tell you now,” Mary told him, “because I didn’t want you two to split. You two looked happy. You two deserve some good shit, and I didn’t wanna ruin it.”

“Also fair,” Damien said.

“Besides,” she added, “It wasn’t my place anymore.”

Robert finally looked up and it was to glare at Mary.

“I know why you didn’t tell me,” Damien said to Robert. “You hate revealing intimately personal things…” Damien looked down again. “Did you think I would leave you, too?”

Damien saw Robert’s right foot tap slightly on the carpet. “I didn’t know that you knew. But, yeah,” Robert said. “I did. If you knew what I did with the asshole, I figured…”

Damien closed his eyes. “Then it seems that, even with all we have shared, you do not know me as well as I thought.” When Damien opened his eyes, Robert was looking at him, brows knit together. Joseph was rubbing a hand through his cornflower hair, and Mary was looking between her two friends.

“I’m angry with you two,” Damien said to the Christiansen couple. “And you both have your demons to battle, but they will not be fought here.” He gestured toward his door. “I would like you both to leave.”

Joseph rose from his seat. He paused as if to wait for Mary, but she was already leaving the room. She paused only to look at Damien with regret in her eyes. Regret and apology.

Damien knew he would forgive her sometime soon. Not yet, of course. As she had said, he could hold a grudge well. Joseph followed after her.

That left Damien alone with Robert. Their eyes met across the room.

“Want me to leave, too?” Robert asked. Damien felt the weight of that question, knowing it meant more than leaving the house.

“I have questions,” Damien said. Robert stood up.

“I’m done talkin’,” Robert said, making his way out. Damien stepped in his way.

“I’m not,” Damien told him. “We need to talk, Robert.”

“Why’s it always gotta be talkin’ with you!?” Robert shouted, grabbing at his salt-and-pepper topped head to disturb the existing chaos. “Why do you need to make people talk about this shit? Sometimes a man just wants to forget!”

“Because I have been through therapy,” Damien replied. “Me and my son. Our lives have not always been blissful or peaceful. We needed help to cope and overcome what we had experienced. And the first thing I learned in my sessions was to be open, and to talk about what was on my mind. What was causing me distress. If I could get the words out, they would give me relief. Not immediately, but eventually. Did you not feel some measure of peace when you told me about Marilyn?”

Robert turned his back to Damien, pacing along the room. “That’s different. I loved her— You said shit about ‘bein’ my moonlight’— I felt safe!”

“And now do you feel unsafe?” Damien asked him.

“Well, since I found out you were indirectly hating me for the damn mistake I made, and you’re keepin’ me from leavin’, yeah! I feel a little fuckin’ unsafe and trapped.”

Damien’s fingers curled in, until his hands were fists at his sides. Robert was right, of course. Damien stepped aside from the door. “Then if you wish to leave, the way is clear,” he said softly.

Robert looked from the door to Damien, and started over. Damien watched him. He had to know. It would hurt to know, but he needed to ask.

“Did you love him?” Damien asked. Robert stopped. They were, roughly, one foot apart.

“I thought I did,” Robert admitted. “He made me pretty sure of it.”

Damien’s hands trembled. He crossed his arms to hide them. “Did,” he started, hearing the waver in his own voice, and having to take a breath to stop it, “Did you love me?”

Robert looked a bit surprised by the question. He took one step back, furthering their distance again. “Did you?” he tossed back.

Damien bit at the interior of his cheek. Honesty. Be strong, and be honest. “I did,” he said.

The silence had the weight of the earth over a grave. Robert’s feet began moving again. Forward. Forward to the door.

He was going to leave.

Damien felt it in his bones. Robert was going to run away from this. From him.

He felt something inside him shatter.

Before Robert had passed him, Damien shot his arm out and he grabbed Robert’s jacket sleeve. He clung on tight.

“I still do,” Damien said. The resolve and strength he’d been fighting to maintain was dissolving. His lip quivered as he spoke. “I love you, Robert Small. I have not loved any other human on this earth as I do you, and if you leave me now, I promise you, the part of me that has believed in romance, in the healing power of love and hope, and that the heart can heal from such grievous wounds… All of it inside of me will die today.”

Robert stood there with him, listening, or so Damien hoped. After Damien professed his loved, leaving it there and in the open, the man raised a dark hand, and covered Damien’s pale one. He squeezed on snow-white fingers.

“A good man would stay if he was told that.”

Then Robert pried them from his jacket.

“But I’m not good,” Robert said. “Not like you. You reminded me that.”

Robert released Damien’s hand, and walked on. Damien stood, stunned and shivering as he heard Robert’s boots walking along the entry hall. The door opened. Shut.

His body shook with violent spasms as a sound filled his ears. It was akin to a banshee’s keen, foretelling doom.

It was his own voice.

* * *

He knew it’d been a mistake the second he let go of Damien’s hand, but he’d gone through with it. Robert wasn’t a good man. He’d tried to be one. He’s pretended damn hard to be one. But knowing Damien knew about him and Joseph helped remind him.

He was a fuck-up.

He was a slut.

He couldn’t have anything good, no matter what he did. And even if Damien said he loved him, he wasn’t going to believe that the man couldn’t get over it. Lots of people had.

Joseph had.

Damien would be sad for a while, but Robert knew he’d get through. Forget about it, or hell, they’d laugh about it someday. Maybe.

He thought that right until the door shut behind him and he heard that noise. It was a sound that he hadn’t heard in a long time because, well, he had never heard it from someone else. He recalled, years ago, making a noise like that when he’d had to go to a morgue and identify the body of his wife. When he’d had to put Marilyn in the ground, along with all the broken promises, hopes, and dreams he’d had for them. When he’d accepted that he could not be a good man without her.

He wasn’t a good man. He would never be a good man on his own.

_Damn it._

He was about to turn and go back in when the door flew open, and Damien was there. His white face had bright red splotches on it, tears streaking down his cheeks, and his nose was lit up like Rudolph’s on Christmas Eve. Damien’s hands came out, grabbed Robert’s arms, and steered Robert back in, slamming him against the wall.

“You’re not running away from this!” Damien shouted between heavy sobs. Robert kept his mouth shut, mostly from shock of Dames being so strong and rough outside of the bedroom, and partially curious about what he would say. Damien’s eyes bore right into him as he continued, “I won’t let you run away. You do when you face emotion. When you should talk about your past, or your feelings, you choose to run, or to drink, or to ignore them in some other way. I didn’t let you run last time. I won’t now, even if I _**should** _ let you go.”

Damien’s hands were squeezing hard at Robert’s arms. He’d leave some pretty big bruises. Robert didn’t try to shake him off. Instead he continued to stay quiet. “I know that what happened hurt you,” Damien said. “I understand. I almost felt that way when my former lover left me. But there is something here, Robert.” Damien let go of Robert’s arms to grab his hands, jerking them and putting them against Damien’s chest. “Something that can be good, and if I let the things I’ve learned today make me doubt that, I am no man worthy of that kind of love.” Damien’s voice dropped low, soft and quiet. “And I do love you. I meant that. I still love you. Stay with me, Robert. I know it’s selfish, I know I’m weak, but please… Stay with me.”

Robert let Damien pull his hands up and start kissing at his knuckles. No one else had ever had the gall to come after Robert this way. To chase him down, or make him confront his feelings. Make him think he could be more. Not for a long time, anyway. Robert finally took his hands out of Damien’s, but just to cup the man’s strong jaw and sculpted cheek before he pulled him in to kiss him. Robert didn’t care that they were in the middle of an open doorway, or that anyone could see them, he kissed Damien as hard as he could. He threw his arms over Damien’s shoulders, while Damien’s hands scrambled a bit before grabbing Robert’s jacket at the waist and back. It was the wettest, messiest kiss Robert had ever had, but he’d live.

When he pulled back, he had Dames shaking in his arms, trying to breath and calm down. God damn if it wasn’t cute to Robert, in a weird way. But Dames had always been weird and that was the whole point of loving him.

_Holy fuck. I do. I love him._

“Robert?”

He looked at Damien’s face, then smiled, and leaned in until his head rested against Damien’s.

“Okay.”

“O- okay?” Damien stammered.

“Yeah,” Robert said. “Okay.”

The silence stretched a while, but they didn’t need to talk for a bit. There’d be talking later, and Robert knew it. Even if he didn’t want to, he knew he’d have to tell him his side of things. About the tattoo, and a lot of other stuff. But he was done being a coward. That’s really what he’d been for all these years.

He couldn’t be a good man on his own. But if Damien was helping, he could be one, someday.

* * *

Mary walked ahead, ignoring most of everything else as she went for her house’s door. She was aware that Joseph was calling her name. She knew he was following her. She didn’t give a fuck.

She was done giving a fuck.

Mary went into the house and rather than going to the kitchen, she went for the stairs. Then to the bedroom they rarely shared anymore, and into her closet. Usually it was Joseph who packed up. And usually that meant that the kids (usually Christina) would start screaming, crying, begging him to stay.

Enough was a enough. It was time for a change.

“Mary!!” She had her bag half packed by the time Joseph made it upstairs. “What are you doing?

She zipped her bag up fast, fueled by years of jealousy, spite, and tears. She looked over at her husband—the man she’d had four kids with, who she had wanted since high school, and who she’d been willing to throw away a lot of things to have.

“I’m leaving.”

**Author's Note:**

> I bet you weren't expecting that! Okay, some of it yes, but others not, especially me. I meant to have Damien and Robert break up for a while, but the Damien I had written fought me tooth and nail, as did the Robert who had emerged. So, I gave in. 
> 
> This is pretty much all for Damien and Robert as the A-Story. I'll still write them scenes and smut, but the next portions will be focused more on Joseph and Mary. If you think the pair should have a chance at happiness, stay on board!
> 
> If you're done and just want to come back when I do write about our boys, I won't stop you. Thank you for sticking around thus far! I hope you've enjoyed this series. And if you stay, I will strive to continue and produce good, top-quality pieces.
> 
> Until next time, be well my dears.


End file.
